


You Have No Idea How Much That Hurts

by scytheyerr



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, George Salazar! Michael, Jake Boyd! Jake, M/M, Slow Burn, Two river cast, because i want content and there is none so i make my own, i didnt post for a year please forgive me, its 3am, pins and patches, some graphic depictions of mental health, this is very important, watch me disappear for another year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21574039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scytheyerr/pseuds/scytheyerr
Summary: Sometimes even the strongest fall. A journey of self discovery, friendships and an ongoing road to recovery.
Relationships: Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere (implied), Jake Dillinger/Michael Mell, Rich Goranski/Brooke Lohst (implied)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	You Have No Idea How Much That Hurts

Michael trudges shakily home, blinking back tears as he tried to drown out the rest of the world with the music blaring from his large white headphones.

Rich had hit him again. Bad.

It was part of the norm by now but for some reason it seemed especially worse today of all things, at least Jeremy wasn’t his main target. He looks down at his hands and realises how much they were still trembling from the shock, his own blood smeared on his fingers. Inhaling shakily, the Filipino continues trying to make his way home, tears starting to drip down his face.

“Dude... dude!” Michael feels a hand touch his shoulder and he immediately flinches, jerking away before looking towards the faint voice, his watery eyes meeting with worried bright blue ones. Right. He still had headphones on. Explains why he didn’t hear anything. How stupid can you be?

“Bro you look... you look terrible.” Jake mumbles vaguely, immediately retreating his hand from Michael’s shoulder after the other boy violently yanks his headphones down to his neck. “You alright?”

“What’s it to you?” Michael snaps, looking back down at the concrete floor and immediately feeling bad. Maybe he was too harsh on him. Good job Mike you’re already being shitty to someone who probably just wants to help, at this rate he wasn’t surprised if the other teen walked away.

Jake takes a small step back but stands his ground. “I’m just- I’m just worried is all, dude. You’re all bruised up. Here, I’ll walk you home and get you patched up?” He suggests, bending down slightly to try and meet Michael’s eyes. “You okay with that?”

Michael sniffles, rubbing at his red rimmed eyes before nodding slightly, taking a few steps and almost falling over from his injuries. Thankfully Jake managed to catch him in time. “Hey, be careful.” He says in a small, reassuring voice, moving to take Michael’s hand in his to slowly lead him back home, the other teen wincing slightly with every limping step. After witnessing this for a while Jake bites his lip and gently lifts Michael onto his back. “Don’t protest. Just tell me the way so we can make it back faster before you collapse or something.” He states plainly. Michael takes a shuddering breath and sighs, giving in as the pain in his body took over and discreetly hiding the faint blush on his cheeks.

“...Just the house around the corner. Apartment 56.” He mumbles vaguely, taking his glasses off to wipe at his tear stained face with the back of his sleeve. “I don’t even know your name but... thank you.” He got out in a small voice, unknowingly leaning on Jake’s shoulder as he stares at his bloodied hands, honestly exhausted.

“The name’s Jake Dillinger. You wanna tell me yours?” Jake replies, turning the corner into the apartment and gently putting the other boy down but still keeping him close for physical support.

“ _Jake? Jake Dillinger?_ Aren’t you the star player of almost every sports team out there in Middleborough?” Michael mumbles, though he was in too much pain to respond much. “Uhm. I’m Michael. Mell. That’s all. Nothing special.” He snaps his mouth shut and fumbles with his keys to open the front door. So much for his moms being on a business trip. Now the only comfort he has is from someone he’d just met on the sidewalk.

“Yep that’s me. But that’s no big deal right now. We gotta take care of you first, that’s far more important. Michael is a nice name though.” Jake replies, scooping the injured teen into his arms again and gently setting him down onto the couch. “You got a first aid kit here somewhere right?”

Michael nods slowly, “It’s in the kitchen near the pantry.” He sniffles, bringing his knees to his chest and wincing when he felt the sharp pain shooting through his ankle again. Jake furrows his brows in worry but leaves to get the first aid kit and returning shortly, moving to sit in front of Michael.

“Where does it hurt? You’ve got a hoodie in the way of any other visible scrapes besides that bloody nose and cut lip. They’re like- the same color man.” Jake jokes, trying to lighten the mood as he put some antiseptic on a cotton swab and gently pressing it to the side of Michael’s lip.

“Fucked up my ankle, a few bruises here and there nothing much.” Michael replies hoarsely, clinging onto his hoodie reluctantly. “Didn’t think it’ll be this bad today.”

“Wait- today? This happens often?” Jake cut in, starting to wrap up the other boy’s ankle with some bandages. “Some fucker beating you up?”

Michael shrugs nonchalantly, “Just someone in school who thinks they’re a big shot. It’s usually either me or my friend. We’re pretty much the worst losers and pushovers in the entire school. I’m glad he chose to go after me today though, if he went after Jeremy he would have broken the skinny dude’s bones.” He finishes, fiddling with his hoodie strings and blinking back tears. “I’ve given up on stopping or even just reasoning with him. It’s not like it’s gonna work anyway.”

“Dude who the fuck is this asshole? I’m gonna find him and put an end to this bullshit just you watch me.” Jake insists, closing the first aid kit with a loud click. “It’s not right and you’re clearly very upset over it. I can’t just stand idle and watch.”

Michael rubs at his once again teary eyes in frustration, “I just... I just want it to stop man... I can’t stand seeing Jeremy get hurt on almost a daily basis. I’ll live, but that boy’s a beanstalk, he’s gonna get snapped in half and I can’t protect him. I can’t take it... I can’t take it much longer, it’s too much.” He sobs, exhausted and overwhelmed by everything.

“Dude it’s okay- calm down alright? I’ll see what I can do. I’ll try and fix it okay?” Jake reassures, gently pulling the now crying teen into a hug and rubbing at his shoulders. “Shh... it’s okay. We’ll fix this.” He reiterates, moving to wipe at Michael’s face with his thumbs. “Get some rest first, okay dude? You’ll feel better in the morning I promise.” Jake suggests, carrying the other boy into his bed and pulling the covers over him.

Michael nods weakly, giving Jake a small smile before he turned to leave. “Thank you.”

* * *

“You’re speechless. Squip got your tongue?”

“It’s... off.”

“That’ll explain why you’re talking to me.” Michael chuckles, a sarcastic grin on his face. “I’ve been thinking about this moment. What I would say to you? I had this really pissed off monologue, an epic journey through twelve years of friendship...” he trails off only to see Jeremy staring at him. “What?”

“It’s really good to see you, man.” Jeremy started, a small genuine smile forming on his face. Michael didn’t even realise how much he missed seeing that.

“It won’t be. Once you hear what I found out about...” The taller boy huffs, tapping the side of his head.

“How?” Jeremy protests, “There’s nothing on the internet-“

“Which is weird right?” Michael cut him off, “I mean, what’s not on the internet? So I started asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with... told me how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You know where he is now?”

Jeremy blinks, “Really happy and successful?” He tries, a twinge of hesitance in his voice.

“He’s in a mental hospital. Totally lost it.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with-“

“Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful supercomputer. You really think its primary function is to get you _laid_? Who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey?” The tanned boy throws up his arms, exasperated. “Of all possible applications for such a mind-blowingly advanced technology, you ever wonder what it’s doing inside _you_?”

Jeremy frowns, “And I thought _Chloe_ was jealous.”

“I’m honestly asking!”

“Really? Because I think you’re pissed I have one and you don’t.”

“Oh come on-“

“Maybe I got lucky. Is that so weird?” Jeremy snaps, “With my history, I’d say the universe owed me one. And I don’t know about your friend’s brother’s whatever, but if you’re telling me his squip made him crazy-“

“His squip didn’t make him crazy.”

“Oh. Well... there you go.”

“He went crazy trying to get it out!”

Jeremy freezes, his eyes widening in shock before he shakes his head, “Then I’ve got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?” He heads towards the door but Michael moves to block it. “ _Move it_.”

“Oh yeah? Or you’ll what?” Michael challenges, his voice slightly shaky. He’d never seen Jeremy this mad before.

“Get out of my way. **_Loser_** _._ ”

Michael numbly steps aside, feeling something break inside of him as he watches Jeremy leave and slam the door in his face. They call each other losers all the time but this time...

Jeremy meant it.

Calm down Michael. You just lost basically your only friend of twelve years. No biggie. You’re gonna be fine... right?

_“Yeah... you’re gonna be fine.”_ He repeats to himself, slumping down against the door and bringing his knees to his chest as he feels the tears dripping onto his jeans.

**Knock knock knock knock**

_Please leave me alone._

**Knock knock knock knock**

_Stop knocking please please stop._

**Knock knock knock knock**

_Shut up shut up shut up I’ll be out soon please shut up._

**Knock knock knock knock**

_Great job Michael you’re stuck here alone in a bathroom of all places._

**Clang clang clang clang**

_Everything is closing in everything is too loud everything is bursting._

**Bang bang bang bang**

_Shouldn’t have turned up to begin with._

**Splash splash splash splash**

_Throw some water in your face Michael. It’ll make you feel better. It’ll be okay. Open the door now. You can do it._

Michael reaches out towards the doorknob only to hear silence on the other end. Whoever it was had stopped knocking, if there even was knocking in the first place. At this point he wasn’t even sure if he’d imagined it all in that state. Even so it was pretty pointless staying here if he didn’t have a purpose.

Well... not anymore.

As he turns to try climbing out the window, the door suddenly slams open. “Woah sorry dude I didn’t know it was occupied. I’ll leave now- I’m so sorry.” Jake started, sweat running down his face as he moved to close the door again.

“It’s fine. I was just. Leaving.” Michael mutters shakily, gripping tightly onto his sleeves as he tried not to let any more tears spill. Jake frowns, slowly walking back into the bathroom and locking the door.

“Bad night? Thought this party was pretty banger if I do say so myself.” Jake smiles half-heartedly, still slightly drunk. “Kinda wild though, some people tried fucking in my parents’ bed but I took care of it. Only ended up with a broken window this time- wait. Aren’t you Michael? We met a while ago and I sent you back home.”

“Didn’t know this was your party. I only came over to try resolving some... issues. But I guess I don’t have to do that anymore. I’m sorry for intruding.” Michael mumbles, sliding back down onto the floor. “Bad night is an understatement.”

Jake moves to sit across Michael, “Really? You don’t look so hot dude. Wanna talk about it? Is someone beating you up again?” He suggests, trying to shake the alcohol out of his mind and be more sober so he wouldn’t say anything stupid. He hasn’t had much luck trying to fend off Michael’s supposed bully because the boy seemed to disappear completely at school. To be honest, he wasn’t having a great night either but that’s pretty ironic considering this was _his_ party.

“It’s nothing much honestly, I’m just being a cry-baby. I’ve just had twelve years of friendship with my best friend go down the drain and I guess I’m a little upset over it.” Michael chuckles, trying to brush it off but it didn’t hide the fact that tears were starting to form in his brown irises.

“Dude... that’s rough. I’m sorry.” Jake smiles apologetically, scooting closer to the other teen. “Do you need a hug?” He asks, remembering the time when he didn’t ask if touch was okay beforehand and almost caused Michael to flip.

Michael looks back up at Jake, the tears spilling over. “ _Please_.” He croaks hoarsely, starting to sob shakily as he felt Jake wrap his arms around him.

“It’s okay- I’ve got you. Everything is gonna be okay.” Jake hums quietly, trying to reassure both Michael and himself at this point, brushing some sweaty strands of hair from the other boy’s teary face and feeling his heart sinking when he realised how tightly Michael was clinging onto him. “You’re gonna be okay yeah-? You’re strong enough to get through this.”

Michael nods slowly, clinging onto Jake like his life depended on it as he wipes at his eyes roughly. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles vaguely, “You’re supposed to be having fun at your own party and instead you’re stuck here with me.”

“I’m not so sure about that to be honest.” Jake replies, clicking his tongue. “I just got broken up with and was kind of pushed to have sex with someone I didn’t really want to, like some kind of make-up lesson. My parents aren’t home but I wish they were. I wouldn’t be throwing parties if they were around. The silence just kills sometimes you get me?”

Michael nods numbly as he pulled away, not really knowing what Jake was blabbering about, his words were slightly slurred from the alcohol. The Filipino sighs sadly and looks down, wiping at his reddened eyes before noticing a cloud of black smoke waft through the bottom of the door. “Uh, Jake-?”

Jake had already stood up, his eyes wide with terror. “Run.” He breathes, fumbling to open the door.

“What? But I-“

“I SAID RUN!”

Michael didn’t have to be told twice.

* * *

Michael blinks as he watched the notifications from Twitter pouring into his phone while attempting to shove a bottle of Mountain Dew Red into his hoodie pocket.

“ ** _Rich set a fire and he burned down Jake’s house._**

**_Rich is so flecked!_ **

**_*fucked screw autocorrect_ **

**_Rich set a fire cause’ he knew he was gay._ **

**_Rich set a fire and he’s totally dead._** ”

He’d just been smoking a shit ton of weed and burning his memories of Jeremy into ash before Mr Heere came over and yelled at him in his underwear. Given, they were both in their underwear but that wasn’t the point. And now he has to save his best friend and deal with whatever’s going on on Twitter.

God he’s too high for this.

* * *

The rest of the play passes by in a blur. Michael was still stoned out of his mind and before he knew it he was screeching maniacally when everyone on stage collapses onto the floor in unison. “Oh god what have I done- what have I done?” He yelped, watching the paramedics carting them off on stretchers.

The next thing he knew he was sitting beside Jeremy’s hospital bed waiting for him to wake up though he could barely sit still. He was just about to leave and go wander around when Rich pulled open the curtain. “Hey, you’re that anti-social headphones kid right?”

Michael scowls, turning away, “I have a name, and? What are you gonna do asshole? Hit me again?”

Rich visibly flinches, “I-“ he starts, biting his lip. “Dude I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Although I can’t push all the blame on the squip. It’s all my fault I took the thing in the first place. I’m so sorry. I thought the fire would just end it all so I didn’t have to hear it ever again. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or Jeremy, or basically everyone else. Whatever they’re saying about me on social media, I... I deserved it.”

Michael’s expression softens slightly, “I can’t bring myself to say that I forgive you completely but... I accept your apology. It’s a start. We’ll work our way out.”

Rich smiles, slight tears forming at the edge of his eyes. “Thank you.”

Michael shrugs, though he smiled back, “This dumbass hasn’t woken up so I’m gonna go visit Jake. Don’t you say anything to Jeremy, got it?”

Rich nods, looking back down at the covers in guilt. Jake. He’d probably hurt Jake the most huh? He has to find some way to make it up somehow.

Jake winces, rubbing at his face violently as he tries to ignore the searing pain in his legs. The painkillers haven’t kicked in yet and he was in complete agony, but screaming in a hospital probably won’t end well. He lies back down and grips at the covers tightly, trying to ground himself and let it pass before he notices Michael sauntering in slowly and sitting by his bedside.

“Dude I’m like- high as fuck.” Michael mumbles vaguely, leaning back heavily on the chair with a small laugh. He was glad that his tolerance was rather high and he was just now starting to come off of it.

Jake stares at Michael, dumbfounded as cold sweat pours down his face. “Walking on already broken legs isn’t the best idea in the world.” He mutters, though he forces out a shaky smile. “I’m just glad I managed to save Rich in time, thank god no one ended up dead. Probably some faulty wiring in the living room. Everything is fine- well my house isn’t but anyway, you get the point. Hey, it’s still salvageable I think.”

Michael sits up, looking back at Jake with a serious expression. “You’re telling me you think that the fire was caused by some electrical fault? Are you sure?”

The taller shrugs, “I mean, I don’t know, probably. It’s an old house, seems pretty reasonable to assume that don’t you think?”

“Jake, Rich was the one who set the fire.”

Jake blinks, trying to process Michael’s words. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Didn’t you see Twitter? It’s all blowing up there, honestly it’s all pretty fucked up. Rich is a few rooms down the hallway next to Jeremy.”

The taller stays silent, not believing what Michael was telling him. “I- I saved him. From the fire.”

Michael sighs, twirling the cord of his headphones around his finger. “He was squipped. He was squipped for a long time. It wanted to make him take over the world and I guess... I guess he was trying to make sure it didn’t happen. He tried to burn it out of his brain for good.”

Jake leans back onto his bed, “...I’m glad I saved him. No matter what others may think now, I have no regrets.” He replies, rubbing at his eyes as the pain started stabbing at his legs again and trying to ignore the now growing pain in his chest. “I’m gonna get some rest now. I’m uhm. I’m tired.”

Michael nods, “I’ll go see if Jeremy is awake, get well soon dude.” He smiles, gently patting the taller’s shoulder before leaving quietly.

Jake curls into himself and spends the whole night trying not to cry.

* * *

He tried. He tried so hard to pretend that everything was alright, forcing an everlasting smile on his face everytime he was in school. But he was tired. He was so tired. Everyone acted like nothing even happened, like the fire didn’t even occur in the first place. Every now and then he glanced at the now much subdued Rich, burn scars crawling up his arms and face, his left eye was blind and glazed over. It seemed that no one really asked about him either, which just made everything worse.

**_ Squad: _ **

**_Brooke: Pinkberry after school anyone?_ **

**_Jenna: count me in_ **

**_Christine: :0 omg yes_ **

**_Jeremy: sure_ **

**_Chloe: sounds good_ **

**_Rich: hell yeah_ **

**_Michael: aight_ **

**_ Christine _ **

**_Christine: Jake? You okay?_ **

**_Christine: I know things are pretty hard lately but get well soon! Talk to me if anything!! :)_ **

**_ Michael _ **

**_Michael: Jake you seem really tired lately_ **

**_Michael: did anything happen?_ **

He mutes his phone and leaves after giving a half-hearted excuse, ignoring all the incoming messages that were pretty much irrelevant. He starts downing bottle after bottle of vodka to try and ignore everything else.

Eventually, he stops showing up at school.

**_ Michael _ **

**_Michael: where the heck are you_ **

**_Michael: I haven’t seen you in like a week_ **

*2 missed calls from _Michael_ *

**_ Christine _ **

**_Christine: Jake I haven’t seen you in school but I hope you’re taking that time to rest, I’ll see you soon okay?_ **

**_ Michael _ **

**_Michael: Jake_ **

**_Michael: you’re scaring me_ **

**_Michael: stop leaving me on read I know you can see this_ **

*4 missed calls from _Michael_ *

**_Michael: pick up the phone ~~you idiot~~_ **

**_Michael: ~~please~~ Jake_ **

**_Michael: I’m coming over_ **

* * *

Michael pulls into the driveway and gets out of his worn-out car, moving to knock on the door, his eyes widening in surprise when it slowly swings open. Jake must’ve forgotten to lock it. Speaking of Jake, the teen was curled on the couch with his head in one hand and a half empty bottle of vodka in the other. He jerks up when he hears the door creaking open, though his expression softens slightly when he realises it was Michael. “Dude, what’s up-?” He mumbles, trying to force a grin on his already worn-out face.

Michael frowns worriedly, “Jake, you know you aren’t supposed to have alcohol with your pain meds, especially such a strong one like vodka. You haven’t been in school and you’re not answering your phone, what’s going on with you lately? Do you not know how to take care of yourself? Jake- don’t you care?”

Jake laughs bitterly, setting the bottle down and standing up, towering over Michael. “Am I hearing this right? The one and only Michael Mell asking me if I care. Why the fuck would I care if no one else does? Do you think I want to be like this? Why do you think I joined so many sports and clubs? Huh? It’s because it serves as a fucking distraction from that feeling that I’ll never be fucking good enough.” He heaves, the tears swirling in his dark blue eyes. “I wasn’t good enough for my parents, if they’d asked me to go with them I would’ve went in a heartbeat, but no, they chose to leave me behind. And then what? They think I won’t miss them? Think I’m not fucking miserable every day because I just want them to come back and fix everything and tell me it’s gonna be okay? Sometimes it feels like I don’t even fucking exist.” He snarls, tears starting to run down his face. “Tell me Michael, did anyone **_really_** care when my house burned down? When I broke both of my legs and lost a scholarship because I couldn’t play sports anymore? That I wasn’t the star player anymore? No, no one fucking cares, no one even bothered to ask. They didn’t even bother asking if Rich was okay, or if I was okay. All they cared about was putting all this shit on social media and gaining attention. You have no idea how much that hurts.”

Michael takes a step back, shocked at the taller’s outburst. “Jake, I-“

“Just go.” Jake cut him off, “I don’t need your sympathy Michael. Just leave me alone.”

“Jake just let me-“

“I said leave!” Jake snaps, his voice breaking as he collapses to his knees and shoves his tear-stained face into his hands, “Just leave.”

Michael jumps slightly at the harsh words, hesitating near the still open door before moving to close it. “No.” He replies quietly, moving to kneel in front of the taller boy and pulling him into his chest. “I’m not leaving. You can’t make me.”

Jake flinches at the sudden contact before breaking, burying his face into Michael’s shoulder. “I- I’m s-sorry. I’m so sorry.” He sobs, clinging tightly onto the soft red hoodie. “P-please, please don’t go. Please stay with m-me, please-“

Michael moves to wrap his arms around the other boy, holding him more tightly and securely, “I’m not going anywhere, staying right here with you, I promise.” Jake sniffles and nods quickly, still curled into Michael’s lap. “P-please.” He croaks hoarsely, leaning against the other teen’s chest for comfort.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay yeah? Just breathe for me, you’re okay, I got you.” Michael reiterates, racking his brain for something-anything that he could do to let Jake feel better. “Hey, how does a hot bath sound?” He suggests after a few minutes, smiling slightly and gently running his fingers through the taller’s sweaty hair. “I’ll run it for you.”

Jake pauses, wiping at his reddened eyes with the back of his hand before nodding silently, tears still dripping down his face. “I don’t want to be alone.” He spoke up quietly, staring absentmindedly at one of Michael’s patches.

“Who said I was gonna leave you alone? If it helps, I’ll just stay in the bathroom with you?” Michael replies, moving to take Jake’s hand and link their fingers together. “Still up for it?”

Jake manages a small shaky smile. “Yeah.”

“That’s the spirit.” Michael grins, pulling Jake up from the floor and gently wiping away his remaining tears with his sleeve before leading him to the bathroom, turning on the faucet.

Jake curls up beside Michael, leaning his head on the other boy’s shoulder as he watches the water run into the tub. “Michael? Can I say something stupid?”

Michael frowns, “I’m sure it’s not stupid, but go ahead.” He replies, dipping his fingers into the shallow water to check the temperature.

“I don’t know, when I saw you at the play, I was... excited? To see you? Like ‘oh Michael’s gonna fix everything. Everything is gonna be okay now’ in a way. I felt so relieved- like as if my parents came back and, when you came over even after I ignored everyone for so long. You still cared, you still came over. Every time I see you at school I feel so happy, even if you’re not even doing anything- I don’t know, just when you walk into a room suddenly everything isn’t so dull anymore you’re so happy and just so comfortable with being yourself and you make me feel so happy too like-“ Jake rambles, before stopping short and staring at Michael, the realisation hitting him. “And I- I think I like you.”

Michael blinks, a faint blush forming on his face before he smiles, “Jake I think you should get some rest first and we can talk about it in the morning when we both have a clearer mind yeah? You’ll feel better after this and before you ask- I’m spending the night and you can’t stop me. Just get some rest for now and let me handle everything okay? But if you want a response, I’ll just say that I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.” He answers with a small smile on his face, gently brushing his thumb across Jake’s cheek. “Now get in the bath.” He orders, gently taking off the taller’s jacket and making a mental note to put it in the wash later.

Jake smiles weakly and nods, taking off his shirt and jeans before sliding into the water with his boxers still on. Michael snorts, raising an eyebrow and dipping his hands into the warm water, gently rubbing at Jake’s tear-streaked face. “Feeling better?” He asks gently, moving to lather some shampoo onto the other teen’s dark blond hair.

“Mmmh.” Jake mumbles, feeling like a small child that still needs caring for as Michael rinses and dries his hair before leaving the bathroom briefly to get some new clothes. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time, especially after his parents left when he was fifteen. It felt weird to suddenly have someone looking out for him instead of him protecting everyone else. Either way, he wasn’t complaining.

Michael looks away and waits until Jake was done changing before pausing slightly, taking his own hoodie off and pulling it onto the taller boy. “Do you wanna watch a movie? Your pick.”

Jake bites his lip nervously, “I’m too tired to watch anything.” He mumbles, curling deeper into the red hoodie. “Could we just... cuddle instead-?”

Michael smiles, “You wanna cuddle on the bed or the couch? Both seem like great options.”

“I don’t know, I’m just tired. And my head hurts.”

“That’s not good. I’ll get you to your bed and grab some aspirin okay? You had some alcohol earlier but one pill should be fine.” Michael frowns, gently moving to lift Jake into his arms. He wasn’t as strong as he’d hoped but at least it was only a short distance. “Don’t move, I’ll be back soon with the meds I promise.” He says with a small smile, pulling the covers onto the taller boy before sprinting to the kitchen and raiding the medicine cabinet, pausing when multiple pill containers rolled down and clattered onto the floor.

Jake’s prescriptions were hardly touched.

He hadn’t been taking his meds for his still-healing legs.

Michael decides that was a topic of discussion for another time, collecting all the containers and setting them down on the coffee table in the living room before swiping the aspirin and a glass of water, heading back to the bedroom.

“Take this and get some rest.” Michael orders, pulling the covers over Jake and tucking him in tightly, moving to switch the lights off.

“Please stay.” Jake pleads hoarsely, “I really don’t want to be alone right now, please.”

Michael pauses, turning the lights off before walking back to the bedside and laying down on the covers beside the other teen, gently wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. “How’s this? Comfy?”

Jake nods slightly, moving to lean his head on Michael’s chest and closing his eyes. Michael shifts his body closer and took his glasses off, within seconds both boys were passed out from exhaustion.

* * *

Michael felt trembling. Violent trembling that wasn’t coming from him. He opens his eyes immediately only to land on a shivering Jake, beads of cold sweat running down his face as he started sobbing quietly in his sleep.

Fuck. He’s having a nightmare.

“Jake, Jake wake up-“ Michael starts, putting his hand on the other boy’s forehead and quickly pulling back by how burning hot it was. “Jake come on please, wake up.” He pleads, shaking the teen a couple of times before Jake’s eyes shoots open in horror and he immediately starts crying and shaking more violently than before.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.” Michael mumbles softly, pulling Jake closer and rubbing at his back. The taller starts sobbing even harder, burying his face into Michael’s chest. He feels like he was burning, like the flames were back to claim him for real this time. “Fuck-“ The tanned boy breathes, taking the red hoodie off Jake to try cooling him down and jumping slightly when his phone started ringing and pinging with unread messages and missed calls.

“Hello?” He manages to get out, moving Jake into his lap where he shoves his face into Michael’s shoulder and let out a few silent sobs.

“Michael I’m worried about you. Have you been ignoring me-?” Jeremy mumbles, his voice tinged with upset. “You haven’t even been replying or answering anything, did I do something wrong? I already apologised for the squi-“

“And has anyone even bothered about Jake?” Michael snaps, anger building in his chest. “No. No one fucking cared. Which is why I’m ignoring everyone else for a while to take care of him. I can’t believe all of you honestly, it’s so fucking selfish.”

Jeremy freezes, speechless. “I-“

“Save it. I’ll talk to you another time Jeremy. Not now. I’ll talk to you soon.” He finishes, immediately hanging up afterwards and putting his phone on silent.

“...you know you didn’t have to do that. That was really harsh.” Jake mumbles vaguely, wiping at his face with his sleeve quietly. “It’s not their fault, I promise I’m fine.”

Michael sighs, “You can’t be this kind to them Jake, they hurt you. They hurt you so bad and they can’t even be bothered to care. Sure, they may be our friends now but it doesn’t excuse the things they did without a proper apology. They didn’t even give Rich a proper apology.” He rambles, blowing out an exasperated breath. “Rich... Rich used to hurt me. He was the one who always beat me up and then one day you found me. I never said anything about who it was but I guess now I know why he did it. Squips are real fucked up pieces of shit, he apologised to me at the hospital before Jeremy woke up. I can’t stay mad at him at his state. Can’t do it.” He shakes his head before changing the subject. “Better get something for that fever, it’s pretty bad.” He starts, placing the back of his hand on Jake’s forehead and turning around. “Climb on, I’ll carry you to the living room. It’s much cooler there yeah?”

Jake nods weakly, climbing onto Michael’s back and leaning into his shoulder. At this point he was too tired and sick to protest about anything.

Michael brings Jake over to the couch and gently sets him down, pulling a blanket over him. “Stay here, I’m gonna go get some stuff, I’ll be right back in a minute okay?” He instructs, going to the kitchen and throwing some ice cubes into a small basin of water to make an ice bath. He tries looking around for a small cloth but couldn’t find any clean ones. Sighing, he sticks his hand into his pockets and was relieved to find a clean handkerchief in one of them. A coincidence really, he hadn’t really had the habit of carrying those around. He shrugs and throws it into the cold water, bringing the entire basin back to the couch.

Jake eyes the entire setup suspiciously, “What’s that?” He mumbles tiredly, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s called an ice bath. My moms would do it for me everytime I had a fever. I don’t know how you’ve never heard of this before.”

“Well excuse you, I rarely get sick.” Came the defensive and exhausted response.

Michael sighs dramatically, wringing out the handkerchief and folding it into a small rectangle, placing it gently on Jake’s forehead. “See? It’s nice. And it helps to bring your temperature down.”

Jake bites his lip, it was too cold for his liking but it _did_ offer some relief _._ He guessed he wasn’t complaining.

Michael places the handkerchief back into the cold water. “Did you have a nightmare earlier?”

Jake looks away, “Yeah... but I’m not sure if I wanna talk about it. I don’t know, it was bad enough as it is.”

The Filipino nods understandably, “I won’t pry further if you’re not comfortable, but... I’m here if you wanna talk about anything.”

Jake was about to respond when the doorbell rang. Michael jumps, trying to look out the curtains. “Did you order something?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

The taller shrugs, though he looked confused and scared. “Uh, no...? But could you answer it-?”

Michael obliges, opening up the door. “Sorry, we’re not intereste- Christine?”

Christine beams, “Michael! I...uh....” she trails off, clasping her hands together nervously. “Is Jake home?”

“This is his house.” Michael states flatly. He really didn’t want to be mean, especially to Christine, but he was still rather annoyed at the entire group as a whole.

“Well uhm... Jeremy told us and-“

“I’m sorry, but I really can’t find it in me to talk to anyone right now, I told Jeremy that I’d talk to him separately and- wait, ‘us’? Christine, who the fuck is out there with you?”

Christine starts fidgeting with her hands, “Everyone. The whole squad.” She admits, pulling a very nervous Jeremy out from behind the doorframe. “We just wanted to apologise.”

Michael let out a strained breath, he really didn’t want to handle all this right now. “Jeremy I already told you that I’ll speak to you anoth-“

“No.” Jeremy cut him off, moving Christine behind him. “I’m sorry I was being insensitive to you- but we’re really sorry, we really didn’t mean to hurt Jake so bad it’s just-“

“We should have paid better attention.” Chloe interrupts, her usually aggressive attitude was toned down quite a bit. “And now we wanna apologise to Jake because... well, he deserves a proper apology.” She finishes, avoiding eye contact. Brooke moves to stand beside her, nodding as she tried to hold back her tears, not knowing what else to say.

“I shouldn’t have focused on using social media to boost my own reputation instead of thinking about Jake’s and Rich’s feelings. I’m really sorry, it was really fucking selfish of me.” Jenna mumbles guiltily, stuffing her phone into her back pocket.

Rich takes a shaky breath, “I didn’t mean to avoid him for so long, I know he hates me for setting the fire and I can’t bring myself to talk to him, I don’t know how to make it up to him, much less even talk to him, I’m so sorry, I-“

“And maybe he doesn’t hate him and just wants his best friend back.” Jake finishes, moving to stand beside Michael with a sigh. “I know you guys didn’t mean to hurt me, and...” He trails off hesitantly, biting his lip, “...I accept your apology, but I need some time to recover. I’d appreciate it if we kept things on the low for now, I’ll get back to you guys when I’m ready.”

The group nods silently in agreement, with Christine pulling Jake down into a tight hug. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” She whispers, her eyes filling with tears as she lets go.

Jake gives the shorter girl a small reassuring smile, “I will. I have Michael to keep me in check.” He replies, slowly stepping back into his house and moving behind Michael, who raises his eyebrows incredulously. “I’ll see you guys soon okay?” Christine nods and leaves, pulling the rest of the squad behind her as Michael slowly closes the door.

Jake sits back down on the couch and wrings his hands together, his brows furrowed in frustration. Michael stares at him for a short while before speaking up, “You alright dude? You seem real spacey.”

“I don’t know man it’s just...” Jake trails off, suddenly finding his hands much more interesting to look at. “Did I weird you out earlier when I said I liked you?”

Michael pauses for a moment, “The question is, did you mean it? Did you mean what you told me?”

Jake starts to fidget slightly, “I mean- yes? Yes. Yes I did.”

Michael nods slowly before nervously clearing his throat. “Okay listen to what I have to say first alright? I like you a whole lot too but I’d much prefer it if you’re happier and in a better state of mind before we can get into an established relationship, if that‘s what you want. You have to get back up on your own, but I’ll be here to support you all the way until you’re feeling more like your old self again, and I’ll decide when to bring it up.” He pauses, quickly licking his lips before placing a hand behind Jake’s neck and pulling him down for a quick kiss, immediately drawing back afterwards. “Do we have a deal?”

“I- yes s-sir.” Jake stammers incoherently, his face turning slightly red.

“Now we have to talk about the fact that you have 5 different pain medications to take and they’re all unopened.”

“...Ah shit.”

* * *

“Yo Jakey D, when are you having another party? Been missing out on all the booze.” Rich asks, rather loudly, as Jake brings his lunch tray over to their table. Brooke glares at her slightly taller boyfriend half-heartedly before elbowing him in the ribs.

Jake smiles, swirling his straw around his cup. “Sorry buddy, I’ve got no more alcohol at my house. It’s horrible for your liver, from what I heard. Either threw them all out or donated them.” He glances at Michael briefly, who promptly rolls his eyes and chooses to ignore him.

Rich gasps dramatically, “Are you fucking serious dude? We’re not even 21 yet and we can’t even drink at your place anymore?” He complains, draping himself across Brooke’s lap. “Woe is me.”

“Stop being so dramatic dumbass.” Brooke giggles, shoving Rich away before he pouts and lies back down again.

Jake snorts, looking back down at his tray and picking at the contents with his fork. “I never realised how gross the food here was. I wanna go to Sbarro’s.”

“What did we say about eating?” Michael remarks casually, sipping his slushie before pulling another one from a bag and sliding it over to Jake, who barely manages to catch it. “You have a point though, cafeteria food sucks.”

The taller beams at the tanned teen, sticking a straw into the cup before he sighs reluctantly and shovels a few spoonfuls of the slop into his mouth, visibly cringing at the taste.

Michael frowns at the sight, moving to push Jake’s tray away from him. “I take it back, that’s enough. We’re going to Sbarro’s after school.”

* * *

“I have a feeling there’s a deeper reason as to why you like this place so much.”

Jake looks up from a mouthful of breadsticks, “What?”

Michael puts his hands up defensively, “I mean, no offence but the food here isn’t that great is it?”

The taller shrugs, chewing and swallowing carefully. “I guess I never really thought about it. My parents liked it, they used to bring me here all the time and I grew to like it too. An acquired taste, if you will.”

Michael nods silently, watching Jake absentmindedly nibbling at a slice of pizza. This was the first time the taller had openly talked about his parents without crying or getting mad. It was mad progress. Michael casually swipes a napkin and starts writing on it with a spare pen he keeps in his pocket before sliding it over to Jake, who raises an eyebrow before leaning in to read it.

_Jake,_

_Okay in all honesty this is a stupid way to say it but, I am simply not good with talking in words so here we are. I just wanted to say I’m really proud of you for making so much progress in recovering throughout the last 2 months. (Un)fortunately for you, I have not forgotten about what I’ve said 2 months prior. We had a deal back then. And we have one right now. I still like you a whole lot, to put it that way is an understatement, to say the least. So if you still feel the same way towards me_

_This is way longer than I expected so I have to cut it short._

_What I’m trying to say is:_

**_Jake Dillinger, will you be my boyfriend?_ **

Jake rereads the entire letter twice before looking back up and staring blankly at Michael. “You... you remembered?”

“Of course I did. You don’t just forget about a deal with a crush you had for the past year, was too chicken to say anything, and found it a miracle when he told you he reciprocated two months ago.” Michael replies nervously, fidgeting with his hands and avoiding eye contact. “Am I getting an answer or is it better for me to just walk out of here right now for my own sake-“

“NO!” Jake interrupts, pulling at Michael’s sleeve. “No- that’s not what I meant, I didn’t mean no as in no to your answer- but like. Ah fuck I already messed it up. I meant to say yes, wait. I fucked up again. Please don’t leave I-“

Michael cuts him off by moving to sit beside him and pulling him down, their lips connecting. “So what you’re trying to say is no, don’t leave. Yes, you’ll be my boyfriend?” He breathes as he pulls back and looks at Jake with a small smirk.

Jake nods quickly, immediately burying his face into Michael’s chest in embarrassment. “I’m such an idiot.” He groans, his voice slightly muffled through the hoodie.

“Hey now, don’t get all self-deprecating here. You’re my idiot now and that’s all that matters.” Michael hums, kissing Jake’s forehead.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Make me.”


End file.
